Today, I'm wondering...Will I ever feel well again?
Or is it only to be downhill from here on in?
Will I ever have enough minutes in the day?
To do the necessary, piled up, and demanding,daunting tasks I see? Or the things that lay
quietly, that would be such a joy to do if only...
just silently pleading for a glance from me?
Will I ever have any real energy to count on again?To get me through a day without falling in a heap?Or can I make myself do the things I've procrastinated
far too long... just because?
There really is no good reason thatcan be given for such procrastination...As time ticks away a second at a time, too
quickly translating into hours that steal my day away.
What will this day mean? To me ... to anyone else?
There's a lot of wondering stirring about today.
And a lot of questions about just every little thing.
The day is overcast and hazy-foggy, chilly and damp...Sort of like the inside of my thoughts that fog the brain.
I always feel the unrest that is CFIDS percolating just belowthe rim before launching into a "flare".
Ah, yes...the ever lurking thing that captivates my being
and holds me prisoner at it's whim, from time to time.
I ache more. I am depressed more. I move slower.
I think too much.I think too little, I think in thick and unrelenting fog that skews
my reasoning all together. I don't like this. And I fight it with whatever energy I can muster. But days that spur the cyclic nature of the illness within, like this...
do not allow for much of that. I argue with the brain that says today we will sort, clean, toss and organize the messiness of living here into sparkling shining
rooms to enjoy dwelling in, my mind wants so much to motivate the body to "get at it", but alas... here I sit.
Cantankerous body dictating the entire itinerary of my day by stubborn refusal to move.
I have been told that each day is truly a gift from above...
but today...
I'm wondering.
linda marie pharaoh-carlson©all rights reserved
